I got a tattoo on my wrist last week. It says balance in Chinese characters I had to Google on the internet.
Sorry, if this is how my mom finds out.
I know a thing or two about balance — stand on one leg and close your eyes; lean into discomfort, lean into discomfort, lean into discomfort.
I don’t know shit about balance — ask how someone feels but don’t tell them that you love them; wonder and wander and wonder and wander.
Twitter tells me it’s corny for an Asian person to have a Mandarin tattoo. That tastes like ripe citrus. Twitter tells me I’m basic. Twitter says I’m appropriating white culture.
Seems right. Probably so. Read this in a whisper.
Mom told me she might have gotten a tattoo if her skin didn’t scar so easily. Mom has a magenta keloid on her leg from a dog that bit her when she was my age and she let my 4-year-old hands wonder-wander upon it because her body is a story; mom’s not afraid of anything, lies the daughter who’s afraid of everything.
Mom knows I have her skin, that it stretched around my mind-body, and it scars easily too. Mom knows I hate metaphors.
A list of things and by that I mean a series of words I put in sequence, of which I’m yet to decide if they are anything to me:
I envy the back of your arms, I envy the way your muscles flex and your skin stretches.
Google translate is a love language, if you want it to be. Google translate is an enabler; I don’t know you, you don’t know me.
I’m searching for something that doesn’t exist and by that I mean the past. I want to write a story but I don’t have any stories to tell.
It’s easier to know what’s coming than to be surprised. Or, it’s easier to want the worst for yourself if it proves that things do happen for a reason.
You feel like Wednesday spelled backward (this means nothing to me); my teeth hurt when they taste something sweet.
Do you know about anticipatory grief?
Ah yes, hello, this email comes a few weeks late (notice I am not apologizing — does this mean I’ve had some small growth in that short time? Maybe, probably, aren’t we always?) but it is one that is near and dear to my heart because my lovely friend Ellie Williams is right here with us and she makes cool music and also has some cool tattoos and we talked about them and reflected a little and here’s that and also here’s one of her songs:)
What would you get a tattoo of right now in this instant?
I’ve been wanting to get a red 17 on my right wrist or “xoxo G.J.” on my pinky in my grandmother’s handwriting. But I also saw a small Ferris wheel recently that I would also get lol one of those three
What is a song you <3 these days?
Fever dreams by Laura Elliot <3
What is something you wish you could write a song about but haven’t yet?
I wish I could write a song about my hometown and I’ve definitely tried in the past but everything I come up with sounds quite cheesy so I haven’t finished anything yet.
What is a question you’d want to ask your mom or someone else in your life?
I’d probably ask if there was something specific her mom, my grandma, did while raising her and my uncle that she used to raise me and my sisters
Question to ask your mom: What is something you wish was more permanent in your life? What is something you wish was less permanent?
p.s. the day after I got that tattoo, I got a fortune in a cookie from panda express that said “strive for balance” and idk if that means something or doesn’t but just putting it out there if anyone wants to interpret